the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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