): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
