the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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