and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
