Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
