I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You're like the curious george of whores
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
