and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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