I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
