please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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