how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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