I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
