ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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