did you get engaged???
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
