White coat. Heels.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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