I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
