when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
