you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I could have mohawked her pubes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
