Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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