I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
