Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
