had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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