I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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