How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
