omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
