the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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