It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
