She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
