omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
