im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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