If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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