i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
