I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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