Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
