Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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