There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
