yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is wine microwaveable?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
