I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
