cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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