you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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