My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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