don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
