Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
