I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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