Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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