So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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