Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
