Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
