Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
well you can't waste a boner
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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