I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
