Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
