took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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