genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
