I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
