Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
