first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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