Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
