i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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