It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this will be a night to untag.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
