Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
