We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
