life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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