I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
