I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The air was thick with penises
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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