I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize