remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
