is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
