She's JV to your varsity
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
