Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
