i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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