so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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