Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
