This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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