I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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