remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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