you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think my fart just growled at me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
